Actual Housewives Of Dallas Reunion Half 1 Recap: Excuses For L’Infinity



The women of Actual Housewives Of Dallas entered the ring with their weapons blazing, their stilettos sharpened like razors, and their eyes capturing daggers via the 64 layers of moist look eyeshadow. Their attire are designed to blind, confuse, and kill as all of the sequins mirror off everybody’s egos inflicting madness.

I really assume Andy Cohen was on hearth final night time and was a terrific moderator; pushing again towards the nastiness and crap.

This reunion is all about D’Andra Simmons, and her feuds with actually everybody. Which is apt as a result of the very very first thing that was mentioned was Beaver Creek and the combat D’Andra had with LeeAnne Locken over who’s the queen of Actual Housewives Of Dallas.

That drama occurred in a sacred sphere; a humble household abode as soon as christened by the blessed saint of blonde princess-complexed ladies: Taylor Swift. She rented Kameron Westcott‘s home. It’s the shining second of Kameron’s rose-colored life. Kameron erected a shrine and Taylorettes most likely did a yearly pilgrimage carrying pink satin PJs. Till that holy place was defiled by D’Andra shoving a Ok-Cup pod up her butt! I imply it may’ve touched her butt if D’Andra’s leggings had had a really sadly positioned gap (they didn’t). Anyway after witnessing this assault to society Taylor will most likely by no means ever be waltzing via the door once more for worry she’ll make espresso with a poop-stained Ok Cup.

D’Andra allegedly advised LeeAnne, Kameron and Cary Deuber that with out her there can be no Actual Housewives Of Dallas. However Brandi Redmond claims it was really LeeAnne who consistently brags that she carries the present on her again. Prefer it’s a carny rucksack, and the one possession to her title!

RELATED: Cary Deuber & Stephanie Hollman Say LeeAnne Locken & D’Andra Simmons Argued About Who’s The star On Actual Housewives Of Dallas

Brandi will likely be on D’Andra’s aspect in all the pieces on this fateful reunion day. Curiously Cary has switched loyalties and is firmly Staff LeeAnne. Isn’t Brandi speculated to be Cary’s shut pal… Cary is phony as a three greenback invoice.


After all, there isn’t any denying that LeeAnne feels that is “her” present. She even did an total article about simply that which D’Andra is alllll too desirous to level out. Andy argues that a part of being a Housewife is “having a wholesome ego.” In keeping with D’Andra LeeAnne’s is “off the charts.”  In response, LeeAnne whips a southern accent out of her butt, the place it was housed subsequent to D’Andra’s deserted Ok-Pod. She slurs that D’Andra wants a separate sofa for her ego.

I don’t learn about D’Andra’s ego, however her perspective DEFINITELY wanted its personal couch! She makes it abundantly clear that she didn’t come right here to play video games. D’Andra got here right here to symbolize as Mama Dee‘s daughter. She has secrets and techniques about LeeAnne which she has been ready for 2, loooong years to inform.

I used to be imagining sooo many deep, darkish issues. Like LeeAnne’s pores and skin was actually inexperienced, that she was secretly half cobra, that she as soon as held the Guinness E book of World Data for many blow job jokes advised in a single afternoon, that she stole Wealthy Emberlin from one other girl… However what a letdown! This “illicit” secret was that earlier than becoming a member of the present LeeAnne advised D’Andra that Cary was going to fats disgrace her, identical to she did to Mark Deuber. Um, I’m sorry. Cary is numerous annoying issues – two-faced, untrustworthy, pot-stirring – however I actually do not see her fat-shaming one other Housewife. Least of all one she thought of a long-time pal. She did fats disgrace Mark, however husbands are a special matter.

RELATED: Actual Housewives Of Dallas Finale Recap: Be! Be! Aggressive!

Cary flips out when she hears this accusation. She even calls D’Andra a “dumb bitch” for believing she would ever do one thing like that. LeeAnne, after all, says D’Andra lied. D’Andra is absolutely, REALLY doing herself no favors right here. I personally assume it is extremely unhappy to see a long-time friendship go down in flames like this over some actuality TV booowlshit. Pronounce the bull like you’ve gotten Kameron’s valley-southern accent!

However critically later LeeAnne is caught in one other lie of comfort, which makes me assume she most likely did inform D’Andra this, figuring out that weight is D’Andra’s greatest insecurity. And since LeeAnne hated Cary in season 2… It’s just about established that something LeeAnne says must be taken with a salt trough.

For about half a second we transfer previous D’Andra drama to debate Brandi’s adoption, which as soon as once more due to Kameron drama. Kameron is STILL butt-hurt that Brandi didn’t inform her about adopting Bruin. As a substitute of graciously apologizing for not being a supportive pal, Kameron decides to return at Stephanie Hollman by accusing her of being insensitive to folks’s fertility points by joking about how she was throwing a child bathe for her personal surrogate. OH PLEASE! I nonetheless don’t get what Kameron’s deal is. She’s primarily affected by damage feelings-itis, however refuses to confess this. As a substitute, she constantly circles across the problem, then brings it again to the snug, hateful place: D’Andra. This time D’Andra is within the sizzling seat for telling Kameron that Brandi’s adoption is nobody’s enterprise, when as Kameron factors out, D’Andra acquired all up in LeeAnne’s marriage ceremony enterprise!

RELATED: Actual Housewives Of Dallas Recap: Child Bashing Badgers Invade Beaver Creek

What was Kameron even doing right here? She was actually having an argument with herself, towards herself. She is defending her proper to be offended that she was not included in Brandi’s adoption course of. Then, she claimed D’Andra is within the incorrect for attempting to insert herself in LeeAnne’s marriage ceremony course of. Um, it’s a Housewives job to be in one another’s enterprise? It’s like Quantity 2 within the code of conduct, proper below discuss shit about everybody.


Issues take a extra humanizing flip when Stephanie talk about her battle with despair and opening as much as LeeAnne about her suicide try. Stephanie explains it was a “very natural” second the place she forgot the cameras had been rolling and determined that LeeAnne didn’t know who she was in any respect there was a possibility for them to bond. Stephanie is so wonderful. It’s unimaginable that she is courageous and sincere sufficient to share the realities of dwelling with despair.

She remains to be very a lot affected by it and a few days can’t get away from bed. Andy wonders if the present has been good or unhealthy for Stephanie’s psychological well being. Stephanie insists she’s developed a thicker pores and skin. Brandi agrees that Stephanie has actually discovered her voice and extra confidence. After all, LeeAnne interjects to offer some type of self-help spiel she ripped off Joel Olsteen about harnessing the facility of YOU and the way your flaws are lovely and powerful. BAARF right into a meditation bowl!

Then LeeAnne shares that she’s seeing TWO therapists, one to assist her take care of RHOD (good). Brandi challenges LeeAnne to call her therapists – she received’t – as a result of Tiffany Hendra advised her LeeAnne has by no means been in remedy, and solely sees a life coach. LeeAnne refuses, even after Brandi gives to share who her gynecologist – as if that’s a commerce anybody needs!

RELATED: LeeAnne Locken Says D’Andra Simmons Brings Her “Ego, And Then Three Extra Seats For Her Ego” To Actual Housewives Of Dallas

Then, LeeAnne is challenged about her amygdala by a viewer query. LeeAnne is insulted that so-and-so from Beaver Creek or wherever didn’t google the infected amygdala phenomena; prompting D’Andra to yell out that identical to LeeAnne, WebMD is stuffed with crap!

“Bitch, shut the f–okay up,” LeeAnne snap, releasing her amygdala from its cage to go OFF on D’Andra. D’Andra fires again, “final season it was PTSD, this season it’s the amygdala…” What excuse subsequent 12 months what? Andy does assume LeeAnne is extra restrained, however Brandi argues  it’s “till the cameras go down.”

D’Andra and LeeAnne combat SO exhausting and so low. I can’t even perceive the shady tongues they’re talking in, and albeit, I don’t wish to!

When did D’Andra and Cary begin preventing? Did it have one thing to do with Cary and LeeAnne changing into mates which D’Andra doesn’t consider is real?

I do know everybody has been dying to speak about Mark’s d–okay some extra and also you’re in luck! Cary not too long ago realized the originator of the Spherical Up rumor was a “disgruntled florist” she used to make use of. Which is simply so hilarious. Since LeeAnne copped to being answerable for spreading mentioned rumor Cary determined to “give grace” and forgive, tepidly. Now they’re so shut LeeAnne and Wealthy are coming over for dinner to eat off Mark’s $70,000 oven. D’Andra doesn’t like being changed by LeeAnne, apparently. In keeping with Cary, D’Andra is disparaging her enterprise, and even Brandi’s!

RELATED: LeeAnne Locken Blasts D’Andra Simmons For Questioning Marriage ceremony Plans On Actual Housewives Of Dallas


On that be aware, Kameron whips out her cellphone to learn a vent-y textual content from D’Andra trashing Lemon Avenue Laser Heart for ruining folks’s pores and skin, and complaining about having to attend a Brandiland occasion. D’Andra insists she by no means despatched it, then gives up her personal cellphone as proof. Andy factors out non-public textual content doesn’t publicly disparage something – till it’s shared on Actual Housewives Of Dallas! “I simply thought that we had been mates, and it damage my emotions,” Cary says, and that’s the greatest level to make! Effectively mentioned.

As a substitute of simply apologizing for having a foul second the place she despatched a crappy textual content about her mates, D’Andra blames LeeAnne for placing Kameron as much as fabricating the textual content. “I don’t assume you’ll make one thing like this up,” Brandi laughs, “however I do assume LeeAnne would!” Cary avariciously scrolls via Kameron’s cellphone to verify if D’Andra despatched the textual content. Kameron is so incensed over being referred to as a liar that she BADGERS Andy to name AT&T from the reunion to exonerate her. LOL

OMG what subsequent – is Kameron gonna clone D’Andra’s prime secret thriller cellphone?


Lastly, it’s time for spherical 32,000 of the Brandi vs. LeeAnne. Seemingly unable to recollect this season AT ALL, since her amygdala was in a blood boiled vortex, LeeAnne wonders why Brandi initially turned towards her. “ME!?” Brandi shrieks, channeling her greatest Kelly Dodd and shattering the eardrums of Wacha who was most likely backstage,  “YOU STARTED IT.”

Andy reminds LeeAnne it was really she who began all the pieces when she warned D’Andra that Brandi was an untrustworthy, unhealthy affect, then advised anybody who would pay attention Brandi was an alcoholic – oh, my unhealthy, a drunk – who was ruining D’Andra’s social standing. LeeAnne even tattled to Mama Dee! 

RELATED: Actual Housewives of Dallas’ LeeAnne Locken Provides Her Play-By-Play Of Brandi Redmond’s Manipulations

Brandi appears to assume she deserves credit score for not confronting LeeAnne on the rodeo, whereas she was wasted (ironic), however as an alternative waited till they had been each sober within the hopes of getting a civil dialog. That dialog by no means got here, as a result of properly, it’s Brandi and LeeAnne. The drama clearly erupted with Brandi shoving her ponytail up LeeAnne’s nostril at Travis Hollman’s frat social gathering till LeeAnne stabbed Brandi along with her acrylic nail and began hissing at her in Satantic language. Everybody agrees – together with Brandi – that Brandi was attempting to impress LeeAnne. Everybody – besides LeeAnne – additionally agrees that LeeAnne’s VooDoo hissing was actually f–king scary and unhinged.


LeeAnne makes us really feel dizzy sufficient to consider we’re wasted when she talks in circles about calling Brandi an alcoholic. Even Andy explains that inferring one thing is simply as unhealthy as saying it. As Stephanie talked about, if LeeAnne doesn’t consider Brandi has a consuming drawback, why would she preserve making allusions to it? “You’re saying it with out saying it,” explains Stephanie like she’s instructing a kindergarten class about emotions and friendship.

Stephanie believes that this season was a continuation of LeeAnne and Brandi’s batshit loopy drama from the earlier season and the season earlier than that, and their previous lives… and that is the track that by no means ends, as ommmmmmmed by LeeAnne till we go right into a trance-like state the place we may very well be vulnerable to believing her nonsense (We’re not Cary and Kameron). Truthfully, Stephanie is a Housewife whisperer, as a result of LeeAnne is so intent to show she’s ‘modified.’ She will’t even say something again to Stephanie and actually sat there swallowing her phrases the phrases in her mouth.

RELATED: LeeAnne Locken Admits She Was “Out Of Bounds & Unsuitable” For Calling Brandi Redmond An Alcoholic On Actual Housewives Of Dallas

Ultimately, LeeAnne gives one other pretend apology to Brandi, who accepts, and everyone knows by subsequent week and subsequent season they’ll be preventing over this and worse! Hilariously, LeeAnne says she solely referred to as Brandi an alcoholic at Kameron’s occasion as a result of she had been consuming all day… Does nobody on that stage see the irony of this?

Lastly, we landed again on LeeAnne and D’Andra the place LeeAnne discovered herself in MORE lies for claiming in a weblog that she recorded her dialog with Mama Dee. Seems LeeAnne simply mentioned that to try to reveal how sure she was that she by no means mentioned alcoholic. This present and these cellphone lies!


Lady – you can’t be sitting up there on the couch ranting that D’Andra is a liar, telling her to leap in a lake and drown (gross!), while you’re caught in a single lie after one other. By your boss. JUST. STOP. THE. INSANITY. Watching Cary and Kameron squirm on the couch as LeeAnne admits to recording numerous cellphone conversations, then admitting to being a continual liar was hilarious.

You guys, I’m formally fed up! All LeeAnne does is make excuses for her unhealthy behaviors, which she tries to persuade folks is similar as figuring out poisonous behaviors and making modifications. She wants a refund on all that alleged remedy, the Kindle E book she purchased referred to as Blaming Your Amygdala For Dummies, and the meditation bowl. And go forward, and name me biased within the feedback as a result of I AM.



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