Love After Lockup Recap: Your Card Has Been Declined


Love After Lockup Recap: Your Card Has Been Declined

Once more, we should congratulate the stalwart manufacturing crew of Love After Lockup for going the place no man has gone earlier than – particularly, the within of Clint’s head. Final night time gave us extra intimate/gaggy moments with ex-inmates, deranged explanations and excuses from two-timing gamers (taking a look at you, Michael!), troubling household reunions, and a three-way within the making. Hoorah! 

We now have a slightly giant rubbish barge of floating particles to wade by means of from the final Love After Lockup episode. So, let’s get to it, beginning with Scott and Lizzie. On their first official “date,” Lizzie reveals her stylish facet by double fisting drinks and slurping oysters. She even reminded Scott that he ain’t by no means gonna get any as a result of she’s a lady of God now.

Scott & Lizzie

Reveling in his latest tragic makeover, Scott is feeling like 1,000,000 bucks. Besides he’s solely received like 5 bucks in his financial institution account after spending each final cent on Lizzie’s heroin behavior and comfort retailer grocery store sweeps. Additionally, can we pause to mirror on the error of shaving off Scott’s mustache? Nobody on this scenario wants extra consideration dropped at their tooth, particularly once they solely have 4.

Love After Lockup Recap: Your Card Has Been Declined

Lizzie brings up her daughter’s considerations about Scott supporting her drug behavior in jail. In the meantime, Scott tells cameras he did as a result of he hated to see Lizzie “sick.” Taking completely NO private duty in her personal habit and manipulation, Lizzie additionally absolutely blames Scott for enabling her. “I may have died in there!’ she whines. Yeah, and Scott may have stopped sending you cash, ma’am, at which level you’ll have hit up the opposite fourteen suckers you have been conning to drop in your commissary. #YouWerentBuyingRamen

Lizzie is all in regards to the cash and the manipulation, which poor, dumb Scott nonetheless can’t appear to determine. For actual – this dude appears to suppose his $90Ok will purchase him an eventual lay? Like, in 10-20 years? After all of his tooth have fallen out?!? It’s unhappy.

When Scott’s card comes again declined on the finish of the meal, sh*t will get actual. Lizzie instantly begins fascinated by her Plan B. In the meantime, Scott simply stares on the enormous dinner invoice, imagining how a lot cash he would have saved hiring precise prostitutes these previous ten years.  

RELATED: Love After Lockup Recap: Secrets and techniques And Cellmates

Caitlin & Matt

Love After Lockup Recap: Your Card Has Been Declined

Since we final checked in with them, Caitlin and Matt have apparently sworn off showers. They drive to fulfill Caitlin’s mother at an area diner (in a automotive which we will solely assume smells like toes and damaged goals). Caitlin tells us she has a really strained relationship along with her as a consequence of years of her mother’s drug use and abandonment. However now that she has Matt in her life, Caitlin says she lastly has somebody to be there for her 24/7. As a reminder: Matt has been “there for her” precisely three 24/7’s in a row. He’s on an award-winning three-day streak.

Love After Lockup Recap: Your Card Has Been Declined

On the diner, Caitlin’s rage builds as she waits and waits for her mother, who may be very late – one thing Caitlin says she’s come to anticipate and resent over time. When mother lastly reveals, Caitlin is so pissed, she simply marches proper by her, tosses her cellphone (The place? Who saves it?!) and runs out of the restaurant, sobbing.

Love After Lockup Recap: Your Card Has Been Declined

Matt finds Caitlin in an alley, hugging her and promising to all the time have her again – or no less than, till he breaks parole. Caitlin ultimately calms down on the curb. Then, she reluctantly hugs her mother when she exits the restaurant, agreeing to speak. Mother is aware of she’s performed lots of harm to her daughter, and guarantees to be there for her irrespective of how unhealthy their relationship is now. Hmm. We’ll see how a lot she’s there for Caitlin when Matt goes again to his outdated methods, which is going on in roughly 4 and a half seconds from now.

Megan & Michael & Sarah

Love After Lockup Recap: Your Card Has Been Declined

At dwelling, Megan snacks on apples and wonders where-oh-where her fiance might be? In the meantime, Michael is bedding down his precise spouse in a resort room. “We’re not taking any precautions,” chirps Sarah whereas the digicam crew movies a literal SOFTCORE PORN of Michael sexing her on the resort mattress. OMG! Please, child Jesus, inform me this digicam crew are heading into these scenes trying just like the evil authorities guys in ET – full hazmat gear, air tents, plastic sheeting surrounding contaminated areas, IV fluids on the prepared. Rattling! #EverydayHeroesLove After Lockup Recap: Your Card Has Been Declined

After they do the deed (and we dip our heads in bleach), Sarah drives Michael dwelling to see their daughter, Avianna. She doesn’t bear in mind something about her dad. Avianna solely three years outdated, scared, and completely unprepared for the cringeworthy scene of her mother attempting to power her to “bond” with this stranger.

“Hey, fairly woman!” Michael greets her, hoping for a hug. Avianna is clearly not prepared for a household reunion, contemplating that she doesn’t even know who Michael is. Nonetheless, everybody tries to push the difficulty. Lastly, Sarah involves her mom-senses and shuts it down, realizing her daughter isn’t prepared for this.

On the park later, Michael lets Avianna paint his nails in an try to bond along with her once more. Then he makes use of Sarah’s cellphone to name his OTHER fiance, Megan, to feed her extra lies whereas his daughter sits close by listening to each phrase. Father of the yr, girls and gents! Take notes.  

RELATED: Love After Lockup Recap: Washing Off JailLove After Lockup Recap: Your Card Has Been DeclinedWe’re additionally handled to an evidence of how Michael’s mind works. Right here it’s: He claims that he’s solely pretending to be in a relationship with Sarah “for now” so she doesn’t take his daughter away from him. Nonetheless, Megan is definitely the lady who “fills his voids.” <gag> Additionally, Michael fancies himself some form of double agent “spy”…who’s on a mission to damage a number of girls’s lives on nationwide TV? Lord assist us. Someone assign this idiot a superhero title, fast.

Brittany & Marcelino

Love After Lockup Recap: Your Card Has Been Declined

Brittany remains to be alive, which is the excellent news, despite the fact that Marcelino nonetheless seems like he needs to pores and skin her and put on her like final yr’s Versace. They’re staying in a resort for now as a result of Marcelino can’t have a felon dwelling with him in his rental. So, they should discover a new condominium collectively.

As Brittany lounges by the pool, she pretends to have a look at the newspaper – her model of the web – then calls her outdated jail girlfriend, Amanda, as quickly as Marcelino creeps off to purchase duct tape, rope, and an ice decide. Brittany isn’t purported to have contact with ex-felons, however she will be able to’t keep away from Amanda. She beloved her as soon as and appears to nonetheless be infatuated along with her, which Amanda seems to be too.Love After Lockup Recap: Your Card Has Been Declined

And, hey – in case we didn’t suppose this present was instructional, we’re taught a flowery new jail ability that Brittany and Amanda used to make candy love of their backside bunk! Right here’ ‘tis: You cling all your garments alongside the highest bunk to create a curtain, then appoint a lookout exterior to present you a heads up if a guard approaches. Voila! True Romance, jail type. YOU’RE WELCOME.

Amanda is shocked to find out about Brittany shacking up with Marcelino, however that doesn’t cease her from cuddling and flirting with Brittany within the pool. And that definitely gained’t cease Brittany from asking Marcelino if Amanda can be a part of them in mattress later. She’s all about this lady and appears to suppose Marcelino gained’t thoughts transitioning from couple to thrupple.

Yo, these two are just like the jankiest model of The Pocket book ever, however I’m sort of dwelling for it. It wasn’t over! It’s STILL not over! <cue music…and a possible poolside homicide?>

Tracie & Clint

Love After Lockup Recap: Your Card Has Been Declined

After having “one of the best intercourse of his life” with Tracie, Clint is extra prepared than ever to marry the ex-con of his goals. As Tracie fashions her new $300 purple lingerie, Clint licks his beige tooth and congratulates himself on scoring such a hottie. He needs to marry her ASAP in Texas earlier than driving dwelling to NM, however first, Tracie has to go rating some medication marriage ceremony gown buying.

Tracie convinces Clint to present her his MOTHER’S bank card, which Tracie will promptly be maxing out. Initially giving her a price range of $500 for the gown, Clint then agrees she will be able to purchase no matter she needs for her special occasion. Together with meth? “Something for you, my queen!” Clint croons, nonetheless not understanding how precise large boy work.

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Afterward, Clint stands exterior of essentially the most miserable marriage ceremony venue we’ve ever witnessed on tv. Critically, guys – what the precise f**ok are we taking a look at right here? A bowling alley? Strip membership? Skating rink? Anyhoo, it’s the place Mr. & Mrs. Clint will turn out to be one large effing Clinty mess. Thus, it’s becoming.

However Clint’s very slow-firing mind ultimately grows anxious as he realizes that Tracie – armed together with his bank card, diamond ring, and rental automobile – might not really present up. When Momma Clint texts him to ask if the marriage’s over but, he’s like, “Uhhhhh, she’s not right here.” Nobody is shocked. We’ll have to attend till subsequent week to see how lengthy it takes for Clint to appreciate he’s been conned.

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Prediction: Clint is legit nonetheless standing exterior of that metallic constructing at this very second within the remaining shreds of his purple swimsuit – eyes turned upward, mumbling to frightened kids about Tracie being essentially the most beautifullest lady on this planet. (Can somebody go right down to that curler rink at do a wellness verify? I’ll wait.) 

Author’s Be aware: Take a look at my podcast Pink Shade With Erin Martin for extra Actuality TV speak (Housewives, 90 Day Fiance, Unique Interviews & extra!). Out there on AcastStitcher, & iTunes! Go to for all hyperlinks.

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[Photograph Credit score: WEtv ]

The submit Love After Lockup Recap: Your Card Has Been Declined appeared first on Actuality Tea.

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